Your level of performance can be directly impacted by the people in the room where it happens. Here are three common situations—and how to make sure they get the best from you instead of the best of you.
One of the most common complaints I hear from the student-athletes I work with is “It’s not fair.” Whether a teacher gave them a bad grade, a coach benched them, or something just didn’t go their way, my response is always the same:
Difficult people and situations are everywhere. Suffering is optional.
This sentiment is true at any stage of life. From students to CEOs, you can change virtually any situation by acknowledging and articulating your initial reaction and intentionally reframing the problem to your advantage.
The people around you can directly impact your level of performance, both positively and negatively. The goal is to make sure they get the best from you instead of the best of you. To help you navigate the intricacies of reframing, here are three everyday situations and how you can flip the script to your advantage.
The Micromanaging Boss
You are on a tight deadline but sidetracked by another critical and time-sensitive task. Your boss considers your reprioritization to be a personal affront, but rather than discussing his concerns with you, he decides to take on the task, claiming “it will just be easier to do it myself.”
The Play-By-Play:
Reaction: “He doesn’t trust me to do my job.”
Remember: Micromanaging bosses often struggle with perfectionism and an overwhelming desire to appear in control.
Reframe: “He has a lot on their plate, and isn’t quite ready to hand this off.” Or “His inability to trust me doesn’t reflect my ability to be trusted.”
Reset/Reinforce: “My job is to make him look good. Let me confirm what he wants so he can feel confident that I know what is expected of me.”
The Interfering Mother-In-Law
You’re dining at a busy restaurant, and the food is taking longer than expected. The kids are overtired, hungry, and starting to lose their patience. You ply them with prepackaged snacks and your iPhone in an effort to appease them, only to raise the eyebrows of your overbearing mother-in-law, who clearly disapproves of your actions by warning you of the dangers of hidden sugars and too much screen time. She then regales the table with stories of how well-behaved her son was when he was a boy, before technology!
The Play-By-Play:
Reaction: “She thinks I’m a horrible mom who doesn’t know what she’s doing.”
Remember: Most people, especially grandparents, just want to feel useful and helpful.
Reframe: “I’m lucky to have so many people who love and care for my child—and for me.”
Reset/Reinforce: “I love how much you love your grandchildren, and I’m grateful for you. Here’s where I could really use your help.”
The Demanding Customer
A disruption in the supply chain means product delivery will be delayed. An email is sent to all customers explaining the situation, and while most are understanding, one outraged response demands some form of compensation. The customer is rude, nasty, and over the top in their reactions.
The Play-By-Play:
Reaction: “How dare they? Who do they think they are to cop such an attitude?”
Remember: What may seem like a minor inconvenience to you could have more significant ramifications for them, especially if they were counting on your product or were already having a bad day.
Reframe: “Everyone deserves quality service and wants to feel like they are getting their money's worth.”
Reset/Reinforce: “Good service promotes brand loyalty and the likelihood that they will recommend our business to a friend.”
Can you relate to any of the above?
The ways in which we can project our insecurities or react to someone else’s are endless, but the common thread is this: it’s more than likely everyone wants the same thing—a happy resolution—you may just have different ways of going about it.
When in doubt, pause and ask yourself what is the desired outcome? Then decide what role you play in achieving it. Are you making it better or worse? Are you escalating or de-escalating? Are you helping or hurting?
Just like when giving constructive feedback to a teammate, remember to focus on the behavior and not the person. You can’t control what someone else does, but you can control how you let it affect you and your performance.
My challenge to you: in times of difficulty, think about how you want to be treated. Practicing a little empathy can go a long way to build trust and ensure positive interactions going forward.
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