A shift in vocabulary can change everything. How we talk reinforces the actions we want to put into practice and contributes to our feelings of mattering.
Remember the schoolyard saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?” Yeah, I have a problem with that.
While it may be true that words can’t physically harm you if you’re in the right state of mind (calm, clear-headed, open to opportunity—aka in the Green Zone), the fact is that if you’re feeling vulnerable (high level of distress, agitated, anxious—aka in the Red Zone), words can actually hurt quite a bit.
Whether it’s you or your coworker who is feeling a high level of distress, how your words are spoken or perceived can take on a whole new meaning. Texts, slacks, or emails quickly fired off without pausing to add context or thought on how those words might be interpreted can easily send the wrong signal. Think about it. Something as innocuous as:
Text: "Please see me in my office."Could be misconstrued as: pending disciplinary action instead of a routine or neutral meeting request.
Using thoughtful language is especially important when having a difficult or sensitive conversation with a coworker. A mindful approach can ease anxiety and help foster a sense of significance, validation, and mattering.
To avoid communication mishaps, firmly plant yourself in the Green Zone with these 6 conversation shifts.
Affirm Emotions
Instead of dismissing or minimizing feelings, acknowledge and validate them.
Try this: "I understand that you're feeling frustrated. Let's talk about it." "It's okay to feel anxious about the presentation. Your feelings are valid."
Lift Up and Cheer On
Generic advice or focusing on limitations does little to help someone; instead, rally behind them by offering support and encouragement:
Try this: "I'm here for you. How can I support you through this?" "You've made progress, and I believe in your ability to overcome challenges."
Use Language of Belonging and Support
It’s easy to make assumptions, but they can backfire or put someone off. By using affirming statements instead, you create a more inclusive environment.
Try this: "We're in this together. Let's find a solution as a team." "Your contributions are valuable, and we appreciate your input."
Show Heartfelt Thanks
When was the last time you emphasized your appreciation for your team? Expressing gratitude goes a long way in ensuring that hard work isn’t taken for granted.
Try this: "Thank you for your hard work and dedication. It doesn't go unnoticed." "I admire your creativity and initiative in approaching this project."
Use Language that Liberates
A good manager encourages collaboration and empowers their team to trust themselves and their instincts. No one likes to feel like their work is being dictated to them; how you position assignments can make them feel more like valued members of the team.
Try this: "You have the autonomy to make decisions. Trust yourself." "Let's discuss ideas together and find a solution that works for everyone."
Embody Understanding
When someone on your team struggles, avoid making them feel judged or pitied; instead, try to emphasize and extend compassion.
Try this: "I can imagine how difficult that must be for you. You're not alone." "I'm here to support you through this challenging time. You're stronger than you think."
Exploring simple yet specific shifts in vocabulary can boost feelings of mattering in workplace interactions. The key is to remember that you always have options, so choose to use your words to do good.
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