Tis the Season To Break Traditions.
Just because you have doesn’t mean you have to.
So many of us fall prey to the “this is how we’ve always done it” belief system—the unchangeable notion that you can’t interrupt a pattern of behavior that has been established simply because it worked well for everyone at one time.
But as times change, so can our traditions. The ability to digitally communicate and easily connect with others allows us to free ourselves from the chains of “musturbation”—this idea that you “must” do something or risk disappointing family or friends.
Picture it: A young family has three sets of parents, and trying to see them all leads to unnecessary stress, arguments, and frustration. If that sounds familiar, let me tell you—it’s not working for you. While it is nice to do things for others, especially those who are alone or immobile, continually overextending yourself comes at a cost. At some point, you need to ask yourself if it’s worth it.
I long ago lost count of those who complained to me about family traditions they disliked but chose not to change simply because it had become a habit. Summer vacation home? Giant family holiday gatherings? Multiple parties or stops to make because of divorced families?
How is it serving you?
Whether it's the holidays or another annual tradition that has you “shoulding” all over yourself, I challenge you to take a step back and ask yourself three important questions.
Why am I doing this?
What happens if I don’t?
What’s the worst that will happen?
Why It’s Okay to Rewrite Your Traditions Playbook
If a coach is in the middle of a game and a play isn’t working, does she make the team continue on, carrying the same, tired set-up? Absolutely not, and you’d be yelling from the sidelines or at your TV screen if she did.
The same is true for the game of life. Our time here is finite. You get to choose what play works best for you and your family—and if it needs to change. And you can do this as many times as necessary.
For example, I used to go all out and make a four-course dinner every Christmas Eve. I did this for years. Did my family enjoy it? Yes. Did I get to enjoy the time with my family? Not really—I was stuck in the kitchen for most of the night and exhausted by the end. Then, one year, my husband fell ill, and I decided that take-out Chinese was all I could handle. And you know what? 21 years later, we still get Chinese food on Christmas Eve. The stress levels in the house went down, and the level of joy went up. I never thought I could do it, but then I did. And it was fine. Better than fine even!
All because we shifted the focus to what mattered most to us—our time together.
How Breaking Traditions Can Make the Season Brighter
Reducing stress is one reason to let go of traditions that no longer serve you, but there are also many other positive reasons to explore new ways of doing things.
Getting everyone involved. Traditions are supposed to be a shared experience, so make it so from the start. Inviting everyone to weigh in on which traditions stick makes it a more inclusive experience, especially kids who have grown up and now have their own ideas, schedules, and opinions.
Being curious and asking for new perspectives. Which traditions do you love? Which ones wouldn’t bother you to lose? How can we make our traditions more fun? What traditions have you heard about and always wanted to try?
Keeping it simple and embracing the awkwardness. Anything worth doing is worth trying. I like to call it hot tub syndrome. You know how when you first put your foot in a jacuzzi and it's so hot that you immediately take it out? After you do it a couple of times, it eventually starts to feel good. You get used to it, and the next thing you know, you're in the water up to your neck, and it feels great. Anything new is awkward and uncomfortable at first. But the more you do it, the more you acclimate, and the more normal it becomes.
The main thing to remember is traditions are meant to bring joy, connection, and meaning—not stress, guilt, or exhaustion. When we cling to habits out of obligation rather than intention, we lose sight of their purpose. You don’t have to keep doing something just because it’s what’s always been done. You don’t have to shoulder the weight of expectations that don’t serve you or your family. And you certainly don’t have to wait for a crisis to give yourself permission to try something new. And if it doesn’t work, you can always change the play.
Your time is precious, and your memories are yours to create. Let them reflect love, ease, and togetherness—the things that truly stand the test of time.
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