2017 / 15 February

13 Ways To Put The Spark Back Into Your Relationship

Happy Valentine’s Day! OK, I am one day late in posting this, but my husband whisked me away to Paris for the day to celebrate our love.


Not really. I just got busy yesterday


To help celebrate Valentine’s Day, I wrote my newest article for Psychology Today called “13 Ways To Put The Spark Back Into Your Relationship.”

Happy Couple in Hammock

I developed this list from looking at the research, from working with clients and, frankly, from my own life.


Here is Tip #5 Listen to your partner:

This tip is multifaceted. First, it is important to listen – really listen- to your partner. Ask her about her day and then actually be interested. (If you find it tough to be interested, you might want to practice some empathy skills training.) One client who came in because he and his wife were considering a divorce lamented, “she never even asks me about my day. She just complains about hers.” Your partner wants to be heard and understood.


Another reason to listen to your partner is because your partner is telling you what he or she wants from you. What kinds of things does he say or do to tell you that he loves you? For example, when we were first married, I realized my husband often told me “I am so proud of you” when I was talking about my work. At first, I just said, “thanks,” but then I realized that was what he needed to hear from me. And when I started telling him that I was proud of him, I could tell that he felt really loved from me.



Another of my favorites is:

Smile! You’re on camera: Pretend as if a camera is following you around every time you interact with your spouse (OK, except when you are having your “X-rated time”). How would you want to act if you were being watched by others? Kind, thoughtful, easy going? Now act like that every time you are with your partner.


As an aside, this is a great one when you are dealing with moody kiddos, too. I am actually giving a workshop about this topic next week at my local middle school. I will share some of what we talk about in a blog next week. Do you ever deal with moody kids (or adults?)


Hope your Valentine’s Day was full of love!


Actually, I hope every day is filled with love for you!


And make sure we are connected on Facebook so we can keep the positive energy flowing into your life. You deserve it!



Dr. E

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